


Right Back Where We Started

by defendt0pbunk



Series: We're Gonna Get You Help [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self Harm, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Dean, Suicidal Thoughts, Tattooed Castiel, Tattooed Dean, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 00:36:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1760863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defendt0pbunk/pseuds/defendt0pbunk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You'll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else, you will need other people, and you will need to be that other person for someone else. A living, breathing, screaming invitation to believe in better things. -Jamie Tworkowski; To Write Love On Her Arms</p>
            </blockquote>





	Right Back Where We Started

**Author's Note:**

> it's finally here! and i'm gonna tell you guys that i originally thought about killing dean off in this part but i didn't want to traumatize the fandom, then we'd have something like twist and shout again and we don't need another twist and shout, am i right? i hope you guys enjoy this last part. (:

It's been three days. Three days and he's still not awake. Castiel hasn't left his side. He's afraid that if Dean wakes up and he's not there, it'll scare him.

Sam is there, Castiel called him the first day he got to the hospital. It's summer break, he should be home for three months but he has an apartment with Jessica in Palo Alto so there's no need for him to come home all the time.

"Cas..." Sam spoke softly as he entered the room. Castiel glanced up at him. The poor guy looks like absolute shit. He's got bags around his eyes from lack of sleep, he hasn't showered, and Sam is positive he hasn't eaten a thing since he got here. Sam was at his side now. "Why don't you take a lap, buddy? Go home, get cleaned up, eat something?" He asked patting his back.

"I'm fine, Sam. I'm fine right here." Castiel insisted.

Sam took that as a no. "Go home and get cleaned up. You haven't slept or eaten in almost four days. I'll sit with him." He said, gesturing for Castiel to move his ass out of the seat he was sitting in. "I'll call you if he wakes up."

Castiel was almost in tears when he walked across the room. Jess entered and brushed against him as he was walking out the door.

He pulled over five times on the way home from the hospital because he couldn't stop crying. Though he composed himself long enough to drive one more block and pull in the driveway.

He walked up to the door and stopped. He took a deep breath putting the key in and turning the lock, he exhaled and pushed the door open. He stepped inside and hurried to his room, trying not to look down at the floor.

He walked shiftly across the house to Dean's room and stopped at his door, the blood on the carpet was more concentrated at the entrance of both bedrooms. He stepped into Dean's room and made it to the bathroom, pushing the door open. He gasped and clasped a hand over his mouth at the amount of blood he saw everywhere. "Goddamn it, Dean!" He quaked quietly, his voice shaking.

He set his clothes on the desk in the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen. He got under the sink and grabbed the cleaning supplies. Thank God the bathroom was tiled, it'd be a little easier to clean but he'd have to scrub the shit out of it.

It took an hour and a half before he could get into the shower. He still didn't get all of it up, but he'd tried again later.

All cleaned up and wearing fresh clean clothes he began to raid the fridge. He didn't find anything that looked appetizing, he couldn't eat anyway. He just wanted to get the fuck out of the house. He grabbed Dean's keys and walked out the door. It was safe to take his car now that Dean wouldn't be covered in blood on the way home from the hospital now that he was being released in a few days.

* * *

Castiel walked through the entrance of Lawrence Memorial Hospital and headed straight for the elevator. Dean's room was on the third floor. He got off on Dean's floor and saw Jessica walking to his room. He caught up with her.

"Hey Cas," She said with a small smile. "I thought you went home?"

"I did." He said looking at her.

"Sleep good? You look a little better, now that you're cleaned up." She chuckled.

"I didn't sleep, but at least I don't stink." He said as he walked into Dean's room behind her. Sam had been sitting in the same spot as he was when he told Castiel to leave for a little bit.

He stopped at the end of the bed and rubbed Dean's leg. Sam raised his head up from the book he was reading. "Hey, Cas. You weren't gone very long.." He realized checking his phone.

"Yeah.." He trailed off looking up at Dean.

Sam laid his book on the table. "You showered, ate and took a nap that fast?" Sam asked worriedly.

Castiel shook his head, "I showered and scrubbed the floor...I think we have to get new carpet through the entire apartment..." He said quietly, changing the subject. Just thinking about the floor itself covered with blood made him cringe. The fact that it was Dean's blood made him want to curl into himself and cry for awhile.

Sam noticed he was on the verge of crying so he pulled him into a one armed hug. "Hey, hey, Cas? Why you crying for?" Sam asked.

Castiel broken into a sob. "What if he doesn't wake up, Sam?"

"He will, Cas. When it's time, we just have to wait awhile. Just be patient."

Sam pulled back a little and gripped his shoulder gently trying to coax him out of his crying fit.

Castiel sniffled and wiped his nose on the back of his hand. "I just-" He let out a shaky breath. "Need to know if he's okay. I n-need him to wake up." He whimpered wiping his eyes.

"Hey, hey," Sam said soothingly trying to get his attention. "Look here," He said pointing to his brother's heart monitor. "His heart beats are steady." He explained to Castiel. "An-and look at his chest...it's rising and falling like it should be. It's going to be okay, he lost a lot of blood but he's gonna wake up and you can see him then, he's gonna be fine Cas, I promise." Sam said reassuring him.

Castiel took a breath and tried to calm himself down. Sam tapped him on the shoulder. "Me and Jess are heading out for a bite, you wanna tag along? It'll take your mind off of him for awhile."

Castiel shook his head, "Thanks Sam, but I think i'm gonna stay here just incase he wakes up."

"You want us to bring something back?" He asked heading out the door a little more.

"Sure. A burger's fine." He replied.

Sam nodded and walked out the door and started walking with Jessica to the elevator.

Castiel sat in the chair and closed his eyes as soon as he comfortably situated. He slept for at least twenty short minutes before the nurse crept in and quietly interrupted. He opened his eyes kinda quick and the nurse looked up at him with a smile. He waited a second for his eyes to adjust. Her name tag read 'Missouri'.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Novak, did I wake you?"

He cut her off quickly. "Please. Call me Castiel and no you didn't."

"I just came in to change Dean's dressing." She spoke once more, picking up Dean's right arm beginning to unwrap it. As soon as she got his arm all the way unwrapped Castiel clenched his eyes shut tightly.

She dressed his right arm and moved on to his left. "Should I be watching you for future reference?" He asked looking at her.

"Come here i'll show you." She said with a smile. He stood and walked over to her.

"Okay, so you unwrap it," She said showing him. "You gotta make sure it doesn't pull on his staples and stitches." She had the whole thing off now. Castiel couldn't bare the sight of Dean's arms. It looks to him like he had his arm sent through a meat grinder. He felt sick to his stomach all the sudden, he gagged and ran toward the bathroom in the corner of the room and started puking.

She finished dressing his arms and went to check on Castiel. "Is everything okay, Castiel?" She asked politely.

He nodded and wiped his mouth, "His arms look...so terrible.." He choked out.

"Yeah,"  She said quietly. "They'll look like that for awhile, but they will heal soon enough and everything will be fine." She was quiet for a second and Castiel finally emerged from the tiny bathroom.

"Can I get you something, sweetheart?" She asked him, pushing her blond hair away from her eyes.

"Thank you, but no. His brother is coming back with food of some kind." He explained.

"Okay honey, let me know if I can get you something. Maybe a blanket and a few pillows? Coffee? You like you haven't slept for months." She said kinda surprised.

He chuckled and rubbed his eyes. "Three days...a blanket and some pillows would be just fine, thank you."

"Ya know? He's not as bad off as you think he is...he should wake up before the day is through. Though he might be in a little pain, because of the stitches and the staples." She studied Castiel for a second and a smile started to form at the corners of her mouth. "You love him don't you?"

Castiel looked at her with a grin and chuckled, "Yeah, I really do, but he doesn't like to share his feelings. He's very closed off."

She let out a small laugh. "Yeah, I know guys like him. I'm gonna tell you what to do-" Castiel looked up, she had his full attention. "You sit him down- the second you have him close to a piece of furniture. If he talks over you..cut him off. Don't even give him a chance to talk, take as long as you'd like, then pour your heart out to him. But make sure he's listening...otherwise you'd be saying all those things for nothing. You gotta get passed the stubborn shell, and the hard headedness first. Then before you know it, he's putty in your hands." She explained, then gave him a wink.

"He is one stubborn guy, i'll tell you that much." He told her with a chuckle.

She walked toward the door and laughed, "You'll get through to him somehow. I'll be right back with your pillows and blankets Castiel." She disappear in the hallway.

He was still smiling from the conversation he just had. He will definitely take her advice once Dean is feeling better.

* * *

Sam and Jess dropped off his food and went to a hotel for the night. Castiel stayed right there with Dean, where he had been for the past few days.

It was just now going on 5:00. Castiel must've drifted off for a little while because there was a blanket draped over him.

"Cas?" Dean croaked, his voice was barely a whisper. He looked around the room. _Door. TV. Bathroom. Cas. Window. Table. Castiel._ He smiled a little.

Castiel jolted awake when he thought he heard Dean say his name. He had fallen asleep with his head next to Dean's lap. "Dean?" He lifted his head to look at him. "You're awake." He stated with a smile.

"So are you." Dean said in a low voice running his fingers through Castiel's dark hair. Castiel sat up and handed Dean the bottle of water on the table. He unscrewed the cap and chugged it. He took a breath and wiped the remaining droplets of water from his mouth. "You've been here this whole time?"

Castiel nodded and smiled a little bit, "Three days, only left for an hour to go home and shower. I didn't even wanna do that." He explained. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"Castiel..You didn't have to do that." He frowned shaking his head. "They have nurses here 'round the clock for a reason.." He said.

"Yeah. I know but I wanted to be here when you woke up. I've been worried about you." He told him as he rubbed the back of Dean's hand with his thumb.

Dean just smiled at him. He raised his hand to rub Castiel's cheek but he hit his arm on the side of the bed. He winced and looked at Castiel. "What the hell's in my arm, man?" He asked with a frown.

"19 stitches and 12 staples in your left arm, 10 stitches and 15 staples in your right." Castiel said sounding like he was about to cry.

"Oh.." Dean nodded.

"Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that your arms look like they got sent through a goddamn meat processor..." He said in a whisper.

Dean nodded again, "You didn't take me to the hospital in the Impala, did you Cas?" Dean quaked.

Castiel laughed and got up walking to the bathroom. He came out about five minutes later still laughing but his eyes were damp when he came back, like he'd been crying.

"Why are you laughing?" Dean asked.

Castiel sat down, shook his head and sniffled. "You're in pain, babe. You just woke up. I don't wanna be a dick, because I already know i'm gonna tell you why i'm laughing and you'll respond with something sarcastic. Then we'll go back and forth until we both start yelling and I don't want that to happen. Not now, I just want to enjoy your company because I missed you while you were sleeping." He explained squeezing Dean's hand gently.

"Cas, you big ol' sap!" He chuckled then winked at him.

"Do you want something to eat, Dean? I can't imagine how hungry you are."  He smiled.

"Isn't that yours, man?" He looked over at the paper bag sitting on the table. "Why didn't you eat it?" He asked, sounding worried.

"Eh," He shrugged. "Sam brought it by earlier when you were still asleep..I wasn't hungry." He handed the bag to Dean. "You can have it, you need it more than I do." He smiled at him.

"Cas..." Dean sighed. "How long have we been here? Three almost four days?" Castiel nodded. "And you went home just long enough for you to shower? Didn't eat? Didn't sleep? Nothing?" He asked. Castiel nodded once more. "Cas, man.. You gotta stop worrying about me. I was unconscious for three days. What could've possibly happened if you would've left me alone for two hours to take care of you?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to be here when you got up. I didn't want you to be scared. You could've woken up disoriented and not known where you were. Wasn't it kind of comforting to see a familiar face when you opened your eyes?" He asked softly. "I'm gonna worry about you until you get all that shit out of your arms and even after you're gonna have to deal with it. You may not like it, but that's tough. You're just gonna have to find a way to deal." He demanded.

Dean grinned and kissed the top of his hand. "Too much heart." He said with a chuckle. "Hey, when do you think i'll be able to go home?"

Castiel shrugged, "I don't know, but I need to call someone to get the carpet up before you get home."

"Why?" Dean asked looking confused. He might not remember any of it.

Castiel cleared his throat and looked at him trying to hold back tears. "Because you don't need to see any of it... It's fucking everywhere Dean. Covers the entire width of the living room, it starts at the tile in the bathroom and stops like three feet in my doorway in the bedroom. And you don't need to be reminded of it every time you're walking through the house. I can't have it. You need to get better and getting new carpet will help."

Dean nodded. "I'm sorry.." He looked down and played with the edge of the thin hospital blanket that was covering his legs. "For everything." He whispered.

Castiel chuckled, "You just wait, handsome. You're not getting off the hook that easy." He explained with a wink. "I'm fucking upset with you. You know this, right?"

Dean's eyes widened in horror. "Why are you smiling like that?" His voice trembled with a nervous laugh.

"I just want you to know that we're not done talking about this. So when your arms are close to healed, we'll talk okay?" Dean gave him a nod, indicating that he understood.

* * *

Castiel had been calling around for the last hour trying to find someone to pull up the old carpet and lay a new one. He thinks he might want the same color. He even called the landlord and got the go ahead but he got bitched at him the process, which he didn't really care about. He felt bad for Dean, so he offered to pay for the repairs, since he owned the apartment Dean and Castiel lived in.

Dean got out of the hospital in two days. When Castiel finally got ahold of someone that could get it done he left Sam to keep Dean company. Thank God the guy can start today, that means that the old carpet would be torn out by the time Dean was discharged.

Castiel slid the key into the lock, "Now, before we step inside, I just want you to know that Dean and I are not serial killers or psychopaths. It's pretty bad, and I'm not sure how well you'll handle all the blood." The guy just nodded, Ash. That's right! His name is Ash. Castiel kinda thought he looked like he was a redneck stuck in the 90's with his mullet and and cut-off sleeves.

Ash stood there speechless looking at the carpet. He glanced up at Castiel and laughed, "You said you guys weren't murders,right? So I don't have to call the cops for help?" He joked.

Castiel shook his head and chuckled nervously. "Oh no! Something happened, something too personal to discuss with a total stranger. It's worse in the bathroom. I can't even get the blood up in there..and it's on tile!"

"Well, i'm sorry to hear about that. I'll try to get it up within the day, because you said your guy is coming home soon. I'll call my guys for help, because this is a pretty big carpeted area. We'll talk about pay after the work is done." Ash explained to him.

"I'm not gonna be here, because I need to get to the hospital with him, so do whatever you need, move furniture around, though there shouldn't be too much. So it shouldn't be a big problem." He thought about offering to buy Ash and his guys lunch, but Dean probably would hate the thought of that idea, so he didn't mention it.

* * *

Castiel finally ate for the first time in four days, knowing that Dean was awake and alright. He got at least four hours of sleep last night, which Dean thought was amazing instead of him sleeping in twenty minute intervals like he's been doing for the past few days. Dean hated it, because he looked sick.

Anna, one of the nurses assigned to care for Dean came in to change his dressing for the day. Sam told Castiel that this nurse has been in here for the last two days and Dean usually flirts with her every time.

She doesn't seem all that intrigued, because of that "doctors can't date their patients" rule. But she was flirting right back, but probably because Dean was injured and bed-ridden. Castiel didn't like the thought of it.

"You have a few small bleeders on each arm. Try not to be so rough from now on." She ordered softly.

"Sure thing, sweetheart." Dean replied with a wink. She giggled and walked out of the room.

Castiel walked back from the bathroom to his seat in the left corner of the room. "Stupid nurse, with her red hair and blue eyes." He mumbled annoyingly under his breath. "Sure thing, sweetheart." He muttered under his breath again, repeating Dean sarcastically. He mocked the nurses laugh and slumped in his seat with an angry scowl on his face.

Dean heard him and looked over in his direction. "What are you mumbling about over there?" Dean asked with a grin.

Castiel didn't look at him, he just rolled his eyes. "Nothing." He huffed. He hopes she doesn't come in here later or he'll corner her and probably get arrested for assault before he gets dragged all the way outside by a few blue uniforms. Castiel wasn't one to get in a fight, but boy! Was he the jealous type.

Dean laughed and let his head fall back against the bed. "Oh man, Cas...you're jealous! You're jealous because I was flirting with my nurse." He said matter-of-factly,

"No. I'm not, I don't even care that you were flirting with her because we're not together." He retorted sarcastically.

"Okay, then look me in the eye and tell me you're not jealous." He waited for Castiel to look up.

"No." He said still looking down. His cheeks were rosy from blushing, it made Dean smile.

"Cas.." He said looking up from playing with a sandwich wrapper from earlier. "Look at me." He requested. Dean wished Castiel's chair was closer so he could grab his face and force him to look up, instead of being so stubborn.

He glanced up for a second not meeting Dean's eyes at all. Dean unhooked his IV's and pushed himself out of the bed, he winced at the pain that shot through both of his arms. He marched across the floor to Castiel.

It wasn't until Castiel saw a set of feet while he was staring at the floor. He looked up for longer than two seconds. Oh now you look up, you little shit head!

"Dean! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Sit the fuck down!" Castiel yelled at him.

He squeezed Castiel's cheeks in one of his hands, looking him dead in the eyes. "I just want you to look at me, Cas. Or is that too much to ask?" Dean's arms dropped to both sides of the chair as he stood over Castiel, who was still making eye contact. "If you're jealous..you're jealous. Hell! I don't care, be jealous all you fucking want. If you don't like it, speak up and I will gladly stop. It was harmless anyway." He explained, kissing his pouty lips, letting it linger for a second.

"Fine, i'm jealous!" He confessed throwing his hands in the air with a sigh. "And harmless or not..I still didn't like it." He continued. "Now get your ass back in bed, before I call a nurse and have you fucking restrained." Castiel demanded jokingly with a smirk pointing in the direction of Dean's bed.

Dean slid back into bed and smiled. "Man! You're cute when you're jealous!" He laughed. Castiel grinned and rolled his eyes again.

* * *

Dean was discharged the next day a little after lunch time. When the two of them got home the carpet was being kicked into place.

Dean hid behind Castiel from the front door until they stopped in the middle of the living room, so the guys kicking the carpet wouldn't see his arms.

"Dean?" Castiel turned his head to look back at Dean, who was currently cowering behind him. "What are you doing?" He asked in a low tone.

"What if they see my arms?" He whispered with a frown.

Castiel lead him to his bedroom and shut the door. "You're afraid of them asking what happened?" He stated.

Dean nodded. He always felt ashamed if someone saw his cuts and scars. He felt like people were judging him because of it and it made him feel like shit.

"Well put a hoodie on, babe. You're not obligated to tell them what happened. It's no one's business but ours." Castiel said rubbing his back in small gentle circles. "Okay?" He reassured him with a quick kiss.

Dean nodded, kissing him back before digging through his closet for a hoodie. He pulled it over his head and sighed in relief almost as if the sleeves were keeping his arms safely hidden away from gawking eyes.

Castiel scurried to the bathroom because he remembered the blood that was still caked on the tile. He stopped when he saw that it was gone, as well as the blood on the sink, toilet, walls and the side of the tub. It was totally spotless. But didn't he leave the cleaning supplies on the sink? He could've sworn he did.

He made it to the living room over to Ash in two point five seconds. "Hey," He whispered quietly. "Did someone clean up the bathroom?" He asked Ash.

"Yeah, uh, I noticed the razors on the sink and i've uh, dealt with that type of thing before with my seventeen year old sister. And I know how hard it is to clean up the aftermath of the situation. So don't sweat it, man. It was the least I could do." He said with a genuine smile and patted Castiel's shoulder.

Ash had already resumed his work that he was doing before Castiel interrupted him. He just stood there in a daze for a second, his eyes were burning but he wouldn't allow himself to cry.

He returned to Dean's room and climbed up next to him on his bed. "Hi." He said greeting him with a smirk.

"Hi." Dean replied quietly with a smile.

Castiel smiled and pulled his phone from his pocket and started typing away. Dean's phone rang a second after Castiel put his down.

[Message from: Casanova at 1:56PM]: So are you going to tell me how you got the blades? :(

Dean immediately put his phone down and pushed his face into his pillow, feeling embarrassed. He shook his head rapidly, he didn't want to talk about it because he didn't want to get yelled at.

"Hey," Castiel started, gently trying to pry his face out of the pillow. "You can tell me... I'm not going to be mad. I just want to know. Please?" He begged quietly.

Dean hesitated for few long seconds and Castiel was patient with him. "I um-" He rubbed a hand down his face and exhaled deeply. "I uh, went back in the store to get them, when I told you I was going back to get bacon.." He answered quietly.

Cas nodded understandably, "But you actually went back to get the blades, the bacon was just a decoy." He stated in a hushed tone.

Dean nodded as he began feeling a rush of guilt flood through his body.

"Why didn't you come to me?" Castiel asked brokenly. His voice started to tremble as he continued. "Dean, I was in the next room," He quaked quietly. "I could've helped you through it..whatever it might have been."

Dean's eyes were starting to become glassy, "I did.." He told him.

"You did. But that was after the fact." Castiel said holding back tears. "I-" He cleared his throat. "I cau-" Boom! Here they came, like a waterfall rushing into a bigger body of water. "I caught your head before it hit the floor."

Castiel's words made Dean cry even harder before he pushed his way past his arms holding his head to his chest as he sobbed.

Castiel sniffled and ran his fingers through Dean's hair, "I had to get new carpet laid so neither of us could see the blood trail you left behind.." He explained. He lifted Dean's head up to look at him. He brushed his thumbs gently over his eyes, one after the other. "See, this is why I took your blades the first time. So that nothing like this would happen.." He continued.

Dean buried his face back into Castiel's chest and cried some more. He kissed Dean's head and smoothed the back of his hair down. "I don't want this happening anymore, Dean..you hear me?" Dean nodded against his chest. "I know I've said it before. And you may think I sound like a broken record, but i'm serious this time, i'm not gonna play nice next time. Okay?" He lifted Dean's head up to look at him. "Okay?" He repeated.

"Okay." Dean replied, his voice sounding hoarse.

"You're only given one body, so please take better care of it." He said, "Because it fits perfectly next to mine and the head has cute hair and a jawline that could kill a hundred people and a cute face and we must protect it at all costs." He laughed catching his breath.

"You cheesy fucker." Dean said shaking his head with a chuckle, while trying to hide the fact that he's blushing because of what Castiel just said.

* * *

Dean set up his tattoo equipment in the middle of the kitchen then drug his tattoo chair across the living room to the kitchen as well. He set up close to the counter so he'd have a place to lay his tray of inks and paper towels. "Cas?" He called, hooking up the foot pedal.

Castiel walked out of his room with his shirt off and met Dean in the kitchen. "Woah, Dean! Where did you get this chair?" He asked rubbing the black leather.

"Woah! Cas I thought you said you had just a sleeve?" He stared in awe, admiring the vivid colorful piece on his back. "I-oh, the chair? I got it before you moved in. It's a tattoo chair, have a seat." He told him with a smile as he patted the seat.

He slid in the chair and Dean pulled the lever on the side to make it recline all the way down, "Hey! You just asked about the sleeve part, you weren't the least bit curious about how far it goes." He explained. "Plus, i'd to get completely naked for you to see the entire thing."

Dean raised an eyebrow and bit his lip. "I mean, right now is a great time! If you wanna show me, your tattoo can wait an hour.." He chuckled and shrugged. "Or I don't know, maybe you wanna show me in the shower, with the amazing water pressure? There's a new light bulb in the fixture. It's brighter than before, I could see all the detail in it." Dean suggested with a wink.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" Castiel asked, raising his brow in suspicion.

Dean started with the black ink, shading in the 'Faith In Love' across Castiel's chest first. He looked back and forth between Castiel's tattoo and the drawing. "Is it working?" Dean teased with a grin.

Three hours into it Castiel was gripping the armrests so hard Dean noticed Castiel's knuckles were really white. He let his foot off the pedal and the gun stopped, he set it on the counter. "Dude if you wanna take a break, go ahead. Your knuckles are turning white."

Castiel rose from the chair and peered down at the progress so far. "Damn, Dean." He marveled.

They took a twenty minute break before they started up again, Dean got all the letters shaded in and started shading and filling in the roses with red and green.

By the time he finished the two roses, Castiel couldn't handle anymore. He'd been laying down uncomfortably on his back for almost five hours and Dean's hand was probably killing him.

"How is it?" Dean asked curiously with an anxious look plastering his face.

"Dean...I-I.." He traced over the letters with his fingertips. "It's beautiful, you did a wonderful job!" It elicited a blush from Dean.

"Thanks, Cas. Means a lot." He said, a smile still on his face as he started cleaning up his equipment. "Go put Vitamin E oil on that, sweetheart."

Castiel walked to the bathroom to rinse off any excess ink that was on his skin. He gently patted it dry and put some of the oil on his chest. "Dean? Will you come here when you're done?" He asked from the bathroom.

"Sure. Give me a minute." Dean hollered from the kitchen.

Dean was coming in his room with his equipment in just a few minutes, since Castiel was already in that general vicinity as well. He figured he might as well take nurse Meg's advice and corner him-in his own room.

Dean was already on the other side of the room when Castiel jumped in front of the door and locked it. Dean turned back and glanced at him. "Uh, Cas?" He asked completely puzzled.

Castiel just smiled, "We're playing 'Share Your Feelings' okay?" He replied innocently.

Dean groaned and dove into his bed. "Cas.." He pleaded softly bringing his head up. "Please don't make me."

Castiel just shook his head and chuckled. "No, you're going to, Dean. I will too, there's nothing that's stopping this conversation because I am not moving from this spot until it is finished."

"You can't make me talk.." Dean said quietly.

"What's it gonna hurt, Dean?" Castiel asked leaning against the door and shoving his hands in his pockets. "No one's here but us.. Like i'm gonna run and tell everyone in a ten mile radius that Dean Winchester shared his feelings for longer than fifteen seconds...i'm not, it's just me. Don't be scared."

"Cas..I don't know where to start." He said with a sigh, glancing over at door.

"Then, i'll go first." He told him.there was a second of silence. "I love you too." The words rolled right off his tongue like he'd been saying it to Dean for years. His voice didn't shake, he was confident when he said it and he didn't break eye contact with Dean either.

Dean didn't respond. He just sat there with a grin on his face and glanced up at Castiel. "I um, was w-waiting for you to sat that."

"Yeah?" He blushed and hid his face for a second. "I didn't wanna say it back until I was sure because it would've been meaningless."

"You can come away from the door, Cas. I don't feel like running." He leaned forward and grabbed Castiel's hand and pulled him to the bed to sit down.

"Good." He said, "I was going to tell you when you were in the hospital because I didn't think you'd wake up, but I wanted you to hear me."

"I heard you loud and clear." Dean smiled.

"How does that make you feel?" Castiel asked him.

"I, uh- have butterflies," Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and held it to his chest "And my heart beat is rapid." Castiel laughed.

"Are these...feelings grossing you out?" He asked Dean with a chuckle.

Dean shook his head, "No, they make me feel funny though, the butterflies and the rapid heart beat, my hands are sweating." He blushed and shook his head. "I don't know what to say, you forced me on this conversation and nothing's gonna come up like I want it."

Castiel shot him a confused look, "I forced you? I thought you wanted to talk about it?" He asked quietly.

"No! No! That's not what I meant! I-I- You locked me in here against my will an-and I don't-"

Castiel put his hand on Dean's arm. "Dean! Dean! Slow down. You're not making a bit of sense." He explained.

Dean just let out a sigh and looked down with a grin. "Cas," He said looking back up at him. "I said 'I love you' then I kissed you...kissed you, my lips caressed your lips..softly. And you tell me you love me too after you lock me in a room! What else is there to talk about? You said all you needed to say in those four little words. It took literally two seconds." He explained.

Castiel immediately felt silly for locking them in a room together. "Yeah. I realize that now, Captain Obvious. Thanks for clearing that up for me."

Dean gave him a wink, "Anytime, handsome. Now I can walk through the house and kiss you every time you pass me, or hold your hand, or cuddle with you on the couch, or sleep in yo-"

Castiel couldn't help but notice he was rambling and carrying on so he leaned in and kissed him. It didn't last as long as Dean hoped but Castiel got him to shut up. "You talk too much." Castiel said as he pressed his lips to Dean's again.

"Sorry." Dean whispered as he pressed his forehead to Castiel's.

* * *

"Dean! Come here.." Castiel called from the bathroom.

Dean ran in his room and stopped at the bathroom door, "Yeah?" He asked, he looked on the counter and saw the first aid kit "No, Castiel. They hurt today. And there not even bleeding. I don't need them bandaged."

"No, come sit. They are open wounds, Dean. They need wrapped up so they don't get dirty. They could get infected. Stop being difficult and get in here."

Dean sighed and dragged himself in the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub holding one of his arms out.

"They look like they're healing up nicely." Castiel said as he threw the old gauze in the trash and gently running his thumb over the staples in one of his cuts.

Dean watched him as he wrapped one arm then the other. Castiel closed the first aid kit then pulled Dean to his feet and gave him a quick kiss.

"When's the last time you took your medicine?" Castiel asked running his fingers through Dean's hair, while tangled up together on the couch.

"Uh, this morning." He lied, rubbing his eyes.

"Are you sure?" Castiel asked with a tilt of his head. "If I go in there and count your pills-"

"Okay!" Dean caved. "I haven't taken them since last Thursday.."

"Dean," He said sternly.  "We talked about this. Well, more of I yelled and you stood there crying, but still. Go take them." He ordered softly.

Dean pushed himself off the couch and dragged his feet to the kitchen, still pouting. He opened the cabinet and grabbed his Celexa, slamming the cabinet shut.

"Hey!" Castiel shouted from the living room. "We are you slamming cabinet doors for?"

"Cause i'm mad at you. Leave me alone,shithead." Dean said from the kitchen turning on the faucet and filling a cup with water.

Castiel crept up behind him and wrapped his arms around him and kissed the back of his neck. "You talking shit in here, princess?" Castiel breathed into the crook of his neck.

Dean giggled and felt a shudder run through him from the warm breath he felt on his neck. He turned on his heels and faced Castiel, shaking his head and grinned. "No! Wh-who's talking shit? Not me. I was told to come in a here and take my medicine.." He chuckled. "And that's what i'm doing."

Dean pushed passed him and cross the kitchen floor taking his pill then washed it down with a sip of water.

"Smart ass." Castiel muttered.

* * *

Dean had just finished with this girl's foot tattoo when he reached a few inches from his seat to get the paper towels and felt something rip. He froze.

"Hey," The dark headed girl said sitting up from the chair she was sitting in. She snapped her fingers in front of his face a few times. "Are you alright?"

He snapped out of his daze and nodded. "Yeah, i'm fine." He wet a paper towel and wipped the ink from her skin. "Uh, I suggest you don't wear socks for at least a day. Do you have A&D ointment? Or anything like that?" He asked rolling back and front across the floor.

She nodded, "Honey, you think this is my first tattoo?"

Dean just looked at her. She scoffed and shook her head. "I don't mean to be a little bit of a bitch, but I know the drill already."

"Protocol, sweetheart! Just doing my job. You know how stupid people are these days? They go get a tattoo and don't take proper care of it while it heals." He shook his head and laughed. "This guy has a shop in Topeka and he got sued because this lady he did a tattoo on didn't take proper care of it and it got infected, she had to have her arm amputated."

"Holy shit! People are stupid." She whispered. "Why get a tattoo if you're not going to clean it?" She continued.

"Right?" Dean answered as he walked out, his customer following behind him to the front counter. "Garth!" Dean called making his way up to the counter. "Call Castiel and see if he's off work yet." He requested.

Garth drummed against the counter with his fingertips, "What should I tell him?"

"Tell him a few staples popped a few minutes ago but I don't know how many or if any stitches came out or what 'cause I haven't looked at it yet." Garth squeezed passed Dean and headed to the back. "Oh and tell him i'm probably gonna close tonight."

"Okay."

Dean turned his attention back to his customer with a polite smile. "Sorry... Um paying. Right!" He said to her opening the cash register. "Sixty bucks even." He smiled again.

It was almost 7:30 when Dean flipped the sign on the door over to 'closed'. He sent Garth home two hours ago and he was on his way out the door when he saw something glisten in the overhead security light that was left on at all times. It was back on the corner shelf, a box of razor blades. He stared at it for almost an entire minute, debating on whether or not to take it. _Don't pick up those blade, Dean. Don't do it! Remember what Cas said, he said he was not gonna be nice about it this time. Don't disappoint him, you don't wanna do that to him again._

He grabbed them anyway.

"Cas? I'm home!" He called walking through the front door.

"Bedroom!" Castiel yelled. Dean walked to Castiel's bedroom and threw the box of blades on the bed.

"I wanted too." He told Castiel gesturing to the blades. "I wanted to so bad, Cas.."

"Dean..you didn't..." Castiel looked up at him disappointedly. "Where did you get these?"

"What? Castiel, no! I didn't I swear on my life I didn't. You can check!" He held his arms out for him. " I wanted to. I found them at work when I was closing up. I didn't even know we needed these for anything. They were taunting me on the shelf.."

Castiel and Dean both reached to pick them up from the bed. Dean had a firm grip on them. "Dean," Castiel ordered looking him in the eye. "Let go." Dean held on for five seconds longer then let his hand fall to the bed. "Thank you for giving me these." Castiel said before noticing the spot of blood on the gauze around Dean's arm. "Let's take a look at these." Castiel said grabbing his hand leading Dean to the bathroom.

"When did you tear them? Had to be at least four hours ago, right?" Castiel asked unwrapping his left arm.

"Of course it's my bad arm!" Dean complained. "I was just reaching for the paper towels!"

Castiel got it unwrapped all the way and two staples fell to the floor. "Honey, this is horrible, did you feel this?" He asked with a frown.

Dean nodded slowly, "Yeah."

"Awe." Castiel whispered as he wiped the dried blood from Dean's arm, starting to clean it up as much as possible.

"Should I go to the hospital and have them look at it?" Dean asked watching him.

Castiel shook his head "No baby, I got you right here. I'm gonna take care of you." He said with a smile.

Dean blushed and hid his face.

Castiel grinned and pinched his cheek. "What's the matter baby? Why are you hiding from me?"

"Cas-ti-el!" Dean begged. "You can't call me baby! Look what you're doing to me.." He explained blushing harder.

Castiel just chuckled and finished up his arm and wrapped it with clean gauze. He smile and looked up at Dean, "All done." He said,

planting a kiss on his lips.

* * *

Sam called right after they were finished. Dean ran to his phone that was sitting on Castiel's dresser.

"Heya, Sammy! How goes it?" He breathed into the phone.

"Good, I was just calling to see how you were. I haven't seen you since you were in the hospital." Sam told him.

Dean walked across the living room back to Castiel, who was still in the bathroom. "Eh, I ripped some staples outta my arm today, i'm okay though."

"How'd that happen? Did you go back to the hospital to get in restapled?" Sam asked a little worried.

"No, Cas fixed me up good as new!" He knew Sam couldn't see it, but Dean was sporting a huge smile.

"How is that?" Castiel whispered loudly.

Dean turned the phone away from his face, "It's Sammy."

"Cas said hey, Sam." He really didn't, but Dean was just making conversation. "Did you guys make it home alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, we made it okay. Hey Castiel."

"Okay, well hey Sammy, think i'm gonna go. Cas has dinner on the stove, it's almost done." Castiel narrowed his eyes and mouthed liar and made sure Dean saw.

Dean shrugged and shook his head, "Thanks for calling man. Tell Jess we said hey."

Dean slide his phone in his pocket and Castiel nudged his shoulder, "Dick."

"What?" Dean laughed. "I hate when people check up on me..I don't really care." Dean was pushed out of the bathroom and into the living room.

"God, heartless son of a bitch." Castiel said with a grin. Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes at him.

Dean patted himself down and looked around, "Dude,Cas? Where's my wallet?" He asked. Castiel shrugged. Dean walked into Castiel's room and quietly opened his top drawer. He didn't really lose his wallet, it was in his back pocket. He dug to the bottom of the drawer. Nothing. He checked the other side. Nothing over there. Dug in the back. Jackpot. Altoids tin, box knife, and the box of blades he took from work. He looked back and forth between the three. Castiel would notice if the box knife went missing, so he grabbed a blade from the box he snagged at work. Those one's were sharp. He liked the sharp ones. He took about three and put everything back the way it was and shut the drawer back.

"Found it!" Dean skipped out of the room waving it in the air. "It was on the bed." Castiel nodded. "Can I take a shower?" Dean asked with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Dean, you don't have to ask to take a shower..if you want to shower, go." He told him.

"Well, you just did my arm, if I shower you would've done it for nothing. Nevermind, i'll shower in the morning. I don't have to work tomorrow."

* * *

Castiel was dead asleep already, it was going on 2:00 and Dean was still awake thinking about the blades hidden in his nightstand. He was dying to cut his skin open, he climbed out of bed and grabbed one of the blades and walked to the bathroom.

He locked the door and flicked on the vent and the heater just incase Castiel's door was open. He was always paranoid that he would hear him cutting. He sat with his back against the tub and pushed the bottom of his boxers up. He studied the scarred skin of his thigh and twirled the blade in his fingers.

Suddenly all these thoughts that he kept locked away in the back of his mind came flooding in like a dam had broken somewhere in his head that was holding them all back.

He instantly started sobbing. He tried to be as quiet as possible but that didn't work either. He pressed the blade to his skin, hard and dragged it across his thigh slowly. He winced and exhaled looking at the cut for second. One cuts became two. Two became three. Soon he got carried away and didn't even realize it, until he looked down and saw all the blood covering his entire thigh and some of the floor.

He struggled to his feet and felt blood trickle down his leg. He caught it before it touched the rug. He wet a rag with cold water and laid it across his thigh. He jumped a little, it felt good on his burning skin.

He stayed in the bathroom for awhile with the rag on his thigh, until the bleeding stopped. He limped back to his room, being careful as he slid into bed. Ahh ah! Fuck! His boxers were already sticking to his thigh, the cuts burned against the fabric. He wiped the razor on the edge of the wet rag and stowed it away in the nightstand.

_Do not. For whatever reason. Do not walk into the living room in the morning with just your boxers. Wear pants. I'm pretty sure that my burning skin will remind me to put some on._

Had he really been in the bathroom for forty five minutes? Surely it was less than that, but then again he did cry. Between the cutting and the unnecessary crying, it drained him and he passed the fuck out just staring at the ceiling.

* * *

_Clean boxers. Sweatpants. Walk with no limp. Smile._

Clean, unbloody boxers? Check. Nike sweats? Check? Walking with no limp? It hurt but it had to be done. Fake smile? Check.

"Morning Cas," Dean waved as he passed Castiel in the kitchen and leaned against the counter.

Castiel smiled and ran his thumb under Dean's chin before lightly pecking his lips. "Morning sleepyhead." He just started the first pot of coffee of the morning.

"How'd you sleep?" Dean asked looking over at him.

Castiel nodded, "good, good.. I was actually up late last night thinking about something."

Dean froze for nearly half a second. How late exactly? Did you hear me crying? Did you hear that piece of steel slide across my skin? I sure the fuck hope not! "Yeah? What about?" He asked actually curious.

"I was thinking that maybe.. If you'd like, i'm not saying you have to. It's only a suggestion.. I could sleep in your room with you from now on and we could use my room as a guest room.. If you know, Sam and Jess were to visit again?"

Dean thought about it for at least two minutes, what the hell would happen besides Dean not having the privacy he wants anymore? Nothing, "actually, I love the sound of that. When does it start?" He asked with a smile.

"Tonight if you want." Castiel winked at him, Dean blushed just enough that Castiel could see the rosy tint in his cheek.

"I'm game."

Dean has cut every night this week and he starts to panic because he's running out of room. He cut from the top of his left shoulder to about two inches above his elbow on Tuesday, did the same thing to his right shoulder on Wednesday, he's pretty sure he he cut through a few healed scars on Thursday and Friday. His thighs were both covered and then he started getting desperate, so he started cutting the back of his legs behind his knees. That fucking hurt and boy was it the worst idea he'd ever had because now, not only did he walk with a limp but it hurt to sit.

He mostly leaned against counters and doorways and laid on the living room floor, like her currently was with his leg propped up on his knee. "Dean come cuddle with me." Castiel requested. The two of them were watching the second season of Royal Pains. It was going on 11:30.

"No, Cas. I'm fine down here." Dean retorted with a harsh roll of his eyes, turning his attention back to the program.

"Please?" Castiel begged with a frown.

Dean caved and pushed himself up trying not to wince as the back of his legs started to burn from the cuts he'd made the day before. He hated when Castiel looked at him like that, with his long frown and sad puppy dog eyes, God he hated it more than anything because that's how Castiel got what he wanted.

Dean plopped down beside him on the couch and put his arm around the back of Castiel's neck. He winced when his arm rose that high, his cuts felt like they were going to split open. He just ignored them because he didn’t want Castiel to notice.

Castiel shifted closer toward him and laid his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean winced again and jumped a little. "What's up with you?" Castiel craned his neck backward a little and looked up at Dean.

_Your big head smashed the cuts on my bicep._ "You brought your head down kinda hard, is all." Dean tried to smile through the pain that was currently coursing through his arm.

Castiel pulled Dean's arm off the back of the couch and draped it down his shoulder. He kissed the back of his hand gently, "you poor baby, i'm sorry."

“It’s fine.” Dean replied with a yawn.

Castiel looked at Dean and narrowed his eyes. "What was that?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Tired." Dean said wearily, not meeting his eyes. It made Castiel's frown fade and he turned his head back toward the television.

Castiel turned it off minutes later, "what's up with you?" He slid out from under Dean's arm and turned sideways leaning against the arm of the couch. "You've been acting out this entire week and it's bothering me.

Dean just shook his head. "Nothing." He said staring blankly at the black TV screen. "Nothing's wrong, i'm fine."

"Really?" Castiel asked running his fingers through Dean's tawny hair. "Remember the last time you told me you were fine? You ended up in the hospital for an entire week."

Dean scoffed, "how could I forget that? It's all over my fucking arms." He gestured to his gauze wrapped arms. It's also all over both my legs, both my arms and the back of my knees, which hurt like a mother fucker and that's why I didn't want to sit down with you."

"Dean," Castiel grazed his arm lightly with is fingertips. "It's okay if you want to talk. I told you i'm here, whatever it is you need to talk about.."Dean nodded.

"Is it Lisa?" Castiel asked. Dean's chest started to ache at the mention of her name.

"No, it's not Lisa." Even though Lisa's death triggered all this shit that happened to him. He didn't even know the reason he was still feeling depressed and suicidal.

"Then what is it?" Castiel went on as he absentmindedly played with a loose string on his shirt.

Well, I relapsed big time, i've cut everyday this week, but I only stopped because i'm running out of room and I know if I tell you you'll get mad or leave or do something outrageous, like send me to the hospital again. I don't want none of that to happen so just drop it. "What do you want for dinner? I'm starving.."

Castiel sighed and ran a hand through his hair. If Dean didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't gonna pry and he most certainly wasn't going to start another argument, because he did not need that tonight. "Spaghetti?" Castiel suggested.

* * *

 

"Cas.." Dean sobbed quietly into his pillow at three am. He didn't have slightest clue why he was crying, he was laying there and just started thinking about a lot of stuff and the tears started falling out of nowhere.

He knew Castiel couldn't hear him call his name because his door was shut across the living room. Out of all nights to have his fucking door shut, it had to be tonight.

At 9:00 Dean climbed out of bed and walked to the living room. He didn't sleep at all last night and Castiel seemed to notice. "You look like crap, babe."

Dean rubbed his eyes and yawned so hard his eyes started to water. "Didn't sleep last night."

"Are you okay to go to work?" Castiel quaked taking a seat on the floor after he felt his head with the back of his hand. "Do you feel sick at all?"

"I don't know, I just wanna go to sleep."

"Why didn't you sleep?" Castiel asked in a whisper, pulling Dean to the floor with him. He laid back and and Dean's head rested on his chest.

"I uh, I-I cried last night and I had a lot of stuff on my mind, so I couldn't sleep."

Castiel frowned. "Aw Dean..why didn't you yell for me? Or come crawl in my bed? I would've gotten you to stop," He said with a smile.

Dean smiled a little and Castiel could see it. He shook his head, "I don't know, I couldn't get out of bed...I was crying so hard."

"Why?" Castiel whispered running his fingers through Dean's hair.

"You'll be mad at me and i'm afraid you'll leave or something.."

"Dean.." Castiel said sternly.

"I can't..i'm afraid. You'll leave, Cas." He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"No, I won't. Just tell me. I promise I won't walk out and I won't leave." Castiel reassured him.

Dean sighed and chewed his lip so hard it felt like it was bleeding. "I-" He exhaled, "relapsed.." He whispered so quietly Castiel couldn't quite hear him.

"What?"

"Relapsed." He whispered again.

He definitely heard him that time because a gasped passed his lips and his eyes widened in horror. "Will you show me?" He waited for an answer. "It's okay if you don't want to."

Dean rose to his feet and winced on the way up. He stood there for a second debating on whether or not to show him. His bottom lip started to quiver and a single tear slid down his freckled cheek. "Please don't be mad." His voice trembled as he spoke. He took his shirt off first, because it was less damage up top. Then his pants came off.

Castiel gasped softly and felt his heart instantly dropped to his feet. He ran his fingertips along Dean's cuts on his leg. "I-I-De-" He looked at Dean up and down examining his body with sad eyes, "Dean, how far do these go?" He asked gesturing to the cuts on his legs.

Dean pulled up legs of his boxers relieving his sliced up thighs. Castiel looked away and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Dean's voice cracked as he opened his mouth. "Please don't leave, Cas. Please!" He begged as tears fell from his big green eyes.

Castiel's head shot upward and he looked at Dean. He grabbed his hand and pulled him down into his arms and peppered gentle kisses all over his face. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No," Dean sobbed, dropping his head into Castiel's chest, gripping his shirt tightly. "I'm sorry...please don't go."

"I promise I won't leave, but why did you do it after everything we've talked about? You promised me you wouldn't do it again. You just got that shit out of your arms honey, why go tear up the rest of your skin? You have beautiful skin, Dean. It's covered in freckles, and I adore your freckles." He smiled and kissed Dean's nose. "I've been trying to understand and I can never seem to figure out why you have so much hatred for yourself...why?" He asked looking at Dean.

Dean just shrugged. His face was still buried in Castiel gray worn out Zeppelin shirt. "Would you like if I started cutting too?"

"Don't you fucking dare, Castiel!" Dean turned his head toward Castiel so he could hear him.

"Then I don't understand why you're allowed to do it to yourself, i'm angry about this Dean, i'm fucking furious, that you would go behind my back and break the promise you made. How would you like it if I took a razor and cut you with it? Wouldn't that hurt?" Dean nodded. "Then how could you do it to yourself?"

"I don't hate you like I hate myself." Dean mumbled.

"Why do you hate yourself?" He asked softly rubbing Dean's back in slow circles.

"I just do."

"Tell me something, please? If the situation were reversed and I was the one cutting, what would you do?"

Dean lifted his head up, "I would do whatever it takes to help you get better, because I love you and I can't stand to see you in pain." He explained.

Castiel scoffed, "don't you see?" He asked smoothing Dean's tawny hair. "That's what i've been trying to do, and you've rejected it every time, I want to help you because I can't stand to see you inflict pain upon yourself day after day. I can't look at you somedays because you look so weary and sad and it breaks my heart."

Dean was crying again and shaking his head because he realized that Castiel was trying to help him all along. The visit to Bert Nash, the Nazi Lockdown, the long lectures he got when he cut..the list goes on and Dean thought it was Castiel just being a dick.

"So I think it's best that you go get the blade you took from my dresser and give it back to me and also I should start sleeping with you during the night so this won't ever happen again."

Dean nodded weakly and got up from the floor and headed to his room to retrieve the stolen blades he took from Castiel's top drawer. He returned quickly and handed him the pieces of shiny silver metal.

"Three?" He asked, there was a brief moment of silence before he spoke again. "Okay, here's what's going to happen, all that "i'm fine" bullshit is stopping right now, if I hear it anymore from now on, you're in troubled. I told you that you can come to me about anything, whether it be because you had a bad day or if you're feeling like you might try to kill yourself, come to me and I will help you. That's why i'm here, baby boy. I'm here for you."

Dean nodded. He was going to try his hardest to stop. For Castiel. He's let him down in the past and doesn't want to disappoint him again or he might actually walk out that door and never come back.

"Come here." Castiel said pulling Dean into his lap again, pulling him into a hug. "I love you so much, please stop hurting yourself." He kissed Dean's cheek and pulled away.

* * *

The guys had a hell of a time getting Castiel's dresser across the living room floor to Dean's room because of the carpet, but the got it. There was enough room behind the door to put it next to Dean's dresser and there was only one night stand in his room so they'd have to go buy a another one.

Dean hated the thought of sharing a room with Castiel at first because he'd have no privacy when he wanted to cut or cry in the middle of the night. Now, he has someone to cuddle with and to keep him company.

"A bed and a dresser is literally the only thing you had in that room, it's like you never stayed in there." Dean said looking over at the exhausted dark haired man.

"All my stuff is in the closet. It could be a guest room. We don't need it." Castiel responded with a wink.

Dean smiled and rolled closer to him on the bed and kissed The other man's plump pink lips. Castiel smiled as he pulled away.

They ate out for dinner that night, Castiel left to pick it up, which means Dean was left unattended at home.

He locked himself in the bathroom with a razor. He was currently slumped in the tub twirling it in his fingers. _I want to, but I don't. What would Cas think? He said go to him if you need to talk. But he's not here!_ He pressed the steel blade to his wrist, but he didn't drag it across his skin. He moved up an inch on his wrist and pressed down harder this time, just enough so that it'd hurt him. He got frustrated that he started crying. _God, Cas! Hurry up!_ He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He pressed the blade down a few more times on his other arm.

Tears were pouring his freckled covered cheeks and he sat there for a few minutes bawling his eyes out. Until he heard the door open.

It took all of his strength to climb out of the tub. He walked out to the living room slowly with the blade in his hand. When he saw Castiel, the tears started again. He blinked and they fell down his cheeks in heaps.

"Cas..." He said quietly. He didn't cross the floor to get to him. Castiel glanced up at him from the kitchen, "I-I-I need you." He sobbed brokenly.

**  
FIN~**

**Author's Note:**

> Guys! I put the second series up called I'm Glad We Got You Help!


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